Losing faith

I’ve always had a very deep spiritual connection and I’ve always believed I could heal anything in my body through that.  It is also how I work with my animals.

So three and a half years ago when my body completely gave out on me I lost faith.  I couldn’t walk more than 50 feet and needed a cane to do so. I couldn’t drive, shop, or work and was housebound.  I had six hours of violent convulsions a day and my existence was fearing and waiting for the next wave of them to hit. None of my doctors or healers could help me.  Enter a glimmer of hope. A surgery in a far of land.  It was divine intervention, but it made me realize sometimes we can’t do it on our own, we need help!  To me faith and magic had always traveled through my hands, not others.

I think we need to realize that faith comes in all forms.  I’m still struggling with that thought.

So in April 2019 I headed to Switzerland to have surgery on my brain. People say I was brave or asked if I was scared.  I wasn’t either, I was desperate.  My only fear was I would get there and they would turn me down.  This was my last hope!

Surgery felt like being reborn – with each sonification to kill part of my brain my life returned.  It felt like floating in the womb or being in zero gravity and with each zap my body stopped shaking.  That evening I walked up and down the hallway in the hospital almost like a normal person.  The next day I went for a walk by myself – only a few blocks but more than I had done in a long time.  I didn’t even care that I was bald.

With time my symptoms got worse on my untreated side though and I knew I had to go back for surgery on side two, but enter COVID, it was impossible to travel overseas.  Two trips planned and cancelled.  And I knew I needed a recheck before surgery could be scheduled, which meant two trips.

Finally the greatest of news, I could get a travel visa for medical need.  However I needed someone to go with me, possibly on an open-ended trip, since I planed to stay if I could get surgery before the end of the year.  My parents were too old to travel with the COVID threat.  I put it out to family and friends – who could go to Switzerland with me for two and possibly up to eight weeks?  My former co-worker had a friend who was unemployed because of COVID and loved to travel.  We met and she agreed to go with me. Divine intervention again!  

So on Halloween of 2020 we set off to Switzerland on a large plane with about 30 people on it!  Off to Switzerland where the COVID rate was the highest in the world.  And they had a cancellation for five weeks out!  More divine intervention!  We lived in Switzerland for 6.5 weeks most of it waiting for surgery.  And then the miraculous day arrived.  I was more nervous this time, because I had something to lose if things went wrong.  But I knew things would be ok, because everything had worked to get me there.  Once again in the machine, floating in zero gravity, feeling my body improve.

Two days after surgery we went up on the mountaintop in the snow and walked around for over an hour. Amazing! Something I could not have done for years!

So I realize fully with my brain that I have always been protected.  But I have a harder time embodying that fully now because I still live in an abnormal body.  I am 80-90% better but I still struggle. I am coming to terms that I will never be normal again.  But I have not backslid at all since surgery (which it has now been over three years for side one and 1.5 years for side two.) In fact I am still healing and getting better.  In addition because of sharing my story, others have gone through surgery and gotten better!  I have realized that others have struggles, whether mental or physical, as well and many of those are invisible.

So I am slowly getting my faith and magic back. I realize it may take time!

I hope to get back to writing animal stories but I needed to share mine first!

One Response to “Losing faith”

  1. Noelle Coward Says:

    What an amazing story!! Truly inspiring to see how far you’ve come with the help you received. We have missed you here and eagerly await your next chapter of awesomeness.